I do not mind the fire because it keeps me warm for now

I Do Not Mind the Fire, Because it Keeps Me Warm For Now is the first sculptural installation in my upcoming trauma series. This piece specifically highlights the after effects of living through toxic relationships. Utilizing hand carving techniques, I crafted two hands with open palms which, adhered to the wall, hold a burning candle. Here the hands symbolize giving oneself up to someone/something that feels safe, but is overall harmful.

Dimensions coming

The candle symbolizes a multitude of themes, including toxic love, choices, and self image. The hands hold this burning flame up in both admiration and sacrifice, presenting it and allowing it to burn them for the sake of keeping the flame alive. The wax may be devouring the hands, but first it is only warm, slowly coaxing the hands and wrapping them in a heated embrace. Though the hands are filled and eventually consumed with this hot wax, they do not let go until it is physically impossible to continue holding it up. I Do Not Mind the Fire, Because it Keeps Me Warm For Now discusses the short-term, intermittent joy that can exist in harmful situations and confuse/tempt the victim to stay in hopes of this joy returning. 


School Supplies

School Supplies is a ceramic sculptural piece responding to the prevalence of school shootings. I hope to communicate how normalized preparations for school shootings have become and the emotional weights that students and educators carry everyday. I myself grew up practicing “intruder drill” safety procedures in which from kindergarten through senior year of high school we practiced barricading the classroom doors, turning the lights off, and packing all 30+ students into the darkest corner of the room. We were told that if we knew a classmate was not in the room at the time, we were not allowed to let them in if they returned seeking safety.

I never knew that my parents did not grow up with these sorts of drills or that there had ever been a better reality than this one. Overall, School Supplies communicates how death does not fit in the classroom, the weight of the anxiety this instills in American society, and what it really means that we have necessary safety drills. They are not only precautions, but accepting that tombstones might become part of our school supplies list. 


Dimensions coming

Girlhood as a Ghost

I feel like I am 15 again

Begging my bedroom ceiling to tell me something 

There are ghosts of me in every place I have ever lived

I left a little girl in that green and purple bedroom

She is begging to be let out, she bangs on the walls of my chest

I do not let her

I cannot help her

I left a child in the orange bedroom 

She is begging to be let out, she is scratching at my bones

I do not let her

I cannot help her

I left a girl in that beige rented room

She is begging to be let out, she is climbing up my spine

I do not let her

I cannot help her

I left a teenage girl in all four bedroom of my parents new house

She is begging to be let out, she is screaming in my ears

I do not let her

I cannot help her

I shredded parts of her in the bedrooms at the lake

And scattered the scraps in his apartment

She is in pieces there, begging me to bring them together 

I do not let her out

I cannot help her

Dimensions coming

Accompanied by manipulated audio of the poem written.

I feel like I am 16 again

Begging the world to notice me

I am deteriorating in that bedroom

I climb out the window and stare at the stars until my hands turn blue

I liked to think someone was watching me then

I liked to think someone was up there looking out for me

I do not talk to God anymore

I am 21 now and my friend is dead

I talk to her like she is God now

And no one answers and no one calls and I could not see the stars tonight

I am 17 and I am 21

We are driving and driving down backroad after backroad

She takes the wheel for me so that I can feel the wind

We pick the girls up

And they hang out the window with me and they lie in the trunk and they sleep on one another and brush each other’s hair and we share snacks and play our favorite songs 

They ask why I am still in the car

I tell them I could not help it

There are worse bedrooms to come for them and we are stuck there

I drive us all until my gas light blinks red

I take them each home

They go back to their bedrooms

And I go back to mine

Branch on the blood tree

Branch on the Blood Tree is a multi-tiered installation piece surrounding multiple themes with identity at the center. Themes surrounding womanhood, sexual assault, domestic violence, puberty, sexualization, and more are also present throughout the installation and truly highlighted by the background. Branch on the Blood Tree is constructed with wood, chain, and found objects. By building a body through layers of plywood, the many ways in which identities are projected onto us and are out of our control is present. These body parts only being a head, breasts, and crotch show how once a girl enters womanhood her identity changes once again, out of her control. Some of these changes are through being perceived/judged differently, often more negatively, and how oftentimes her body will never feel like her own again. This can be caused by sexualization but also in other ways such as if a woman chooses to bear children and how much the body changes each month through menstruation and eventually menopause.

Dimensions coming

Every woman I know has a Branch on the Blood Tree, we nourish each other and the world, and yet we suffer. 

Through suspension the body is also fully exposed on display which speaks to sexualization and assault. The rustic aspects of plywood sheds light onto the rawness and vulnerability of Branch on the Blood Tree. The body itself is a multi-faceted symbol that speaks to many ideas of thought including sex, gender, and the relevance of nudity as a whole. The layers of the wood are also stained using four different shades, darkest in the middle and becoming lighter on the outer pieces. This represents both how our true identity is deep, and therefore dark, inside us, and the identities that are placed on us are only surface level, and therefore light. Found objects include my personal converse shoes, a thrifted queen size sheet, and a mirror purchased from Goodwill in which I cracked and filled with red-dyed mod podge to reflect blood. Blood itself is another strong symbol in the piece, representing menstrual blood, blood of assault, and metaphorical emotional wounds. Branch on the Blood Tree is the pains of womanhood and the universal experience so many women encounter that is often done so in silence. Every woman I know has a Branch on the Blood Tree, we nourish each other and the world, and yet we suffer. 

Here, Take it

This piece is a plaster cast of my body, using plaster cloth and mixed plaster as well as my own Converse shoes. The hair is constructed with t-shirts drenched in plaster, and then painted to appear actively wet and bleeding. My intention with bleeding hair is both that it reflects my own auburn hair, and that the aftermath of violence stays with us in our heads, coming out and slowly dripping down the form. Here I hope to show how the trauma stays with us and it can be just as painful as the initial experience.

With Here, Take It, I hope to portray the effects of sexual trauma. These responses include over sexualizing oneself, feeling detached from your body, and losing the grit to continue fighting for oneself. By putting my own body on display I hope that viewers are able to see my full vulnerability in the sense that it is alright to feel this way, but the outcome is a pain such as seen on my figure. I also hope that viewers who have not experienced a trauma in this way are able to understand the effects that follow and learn from the experience.

Dimensions coming

Mute

Excerpts from a poem I wrote about the trauma response of "going mute" are seen inside the cage. I wanted this to be difficult to read and so the viewer had to take the time to try and see through the cage as a representation of the difficulty it is to speak when being/feeling silenced.

Dimensions coming

Constructed with steel, chicken wire, wood, and a drain plug, my goal was to create an abstract, caged head in hopes that it would portray the feeling of being silenced. The mouth is plugged and surrounded by book pages representing all that could have been said, but is instead behind bars.

Bleeding Rose

A side table built to elevate my craftsmanship in woodworking and practice the combination of aesthetics and stability.

Dimensions coming

Skeletons in the closet

Skeletons in the Closet invites viewers into an emotional and interactive experience, processing grief in a communal setting. The work is a memorial of times we have spent with those who have passed and remembering moments spent together. The physical representation breaks a mental barrier for the viewer in which they can connect with the scenes in front of them in a different way than through images on a screen.

Dimensions coming

Skeletons in the Closet presents loss and death as an experience of connection and memorial, ultimately increasing viewers’ comfort in discussing and coping with loss and tragedy in their own lives.

Scenes of skeletons participating in everyday activities, such as reading a book, sitting on the couch, and out for coffee allows the viewers to relate these ideas to the moments they have spent with others. The sculpture delves into hands-on interactivity through providing viewers an opportunity to hand-write and share feelings surrounding death and loss. The back of the sculpture is an in-person forum in which viewers can write and leave messages to which strangers can respond while remaining anonymous. This anonymity being physical rather than digital breaks another mental barrier for viewers by having them hand-write and place their thoughts rather than typing behind a screen and feel a stronger connection to the words being related by seeing other viewer’s handwriting in their posts. The top of the sculpture is shaped into a vase in which viewers will be able to place flowers provided as a dedication to those they have lost, relating to placing them at a grave. 


Hard Edges

Images coming. 2 ceramic face masks.

Dimensions coming

Medusa

Images coming. A ceramic pot shaped as Medusa’s head.

Dimensions coming